BY REV. [Name Witheld]
I spend a lot of my time denouncing the homosexual agenda. But even though God has called me to raise His banner against the sexual abominations of the Devil, sometimes I get a little carried away and have to pray really hard to stop thinking about them.
Why, just last week, I heard about a school board in California that was teaching students that bullying was wrong. It didn't take long to discover that they were masking their real agenda of teaching our children that homosexuality is a normal, acceptable lifestyle. (It is anything but!)
Later that day, I was denouncing the school board's secret agenda on the radio, when a gay activist called the station and started railing at me. That's when I noticed I felt strangely excited, probably because of the confrontation. Father God, forgive me, but he was so aggressive—almost manly. Like I imagine you'd be.
After the show, I felt flustered, so I went to the men's room and splashed water on my face. I heard grunting from one of the stalls and suddenly had trouble breathing. The poor man was probably just constipated, but you never know what wickedness men partake of in public restrooms these days! You can bet I left in a hurry! When I got back to my car, I had to listen to my new Integrity CD, Lift High the Banner of Love, and pray for lots of people on my prayer list just to calm down.
Sometimes, at night, I fall asleep imagining a gang of strapping, young homosexual men with rainbow suspenders and big signs on big, wooden sticks chasing after me at a rally. They tackle me and push their signs in my face. Once, I dreamed I was being wrestled face down on the concrete. I felt one of the men grab the back of my head and push his sign against my buttocks. His hand on the back of my head seemed somehow gentle, yet firm.
Jesus, I love your firm but gentle touch. It reminds me of how aggressive, yet understanding you were when you overthrew the moneychangers' tables in the House of the LORD. That day, you really showed what you were made of. Don't let any unbelievers tell you that you're weak. You were 100% man!
Please, dear Jesus, let me be a man like you. Let me know what it means to be a man, so I can push back hard against the homosexuals' big agenda when they try to shove it down my throat.