Gannon Outs Himself

Never mind the previous post on Gannon Guckert. He's come clean: He loves New Wave films. So I was right, he is a drama queen. You can find his Amazon Nouvelle Vague wishlist here. But why did Gannon come clean?

The reason I decided to come clean is simple: John Aravosis and his "friends"€at America Blog. They're clearly on a witch-hunt against people who aren't really Jeff Gannon. They're clearly BONKERS.

Yesterday morning I woke up to this delightful email from John.

Gannon,

I've got invoices, baby. I'm going to tease it to my readers for 48 hours and then you're TOAST Gannon. Toast.

PS Just so you know, several of my friends already have copies of my files. I'm just saying...

John A.

I have to admit I was nervous. Aravosis is clearly a madman. So I did what I always do when I need to calm down and think straight: I squeezed out a few rounds from my 7.2 Inch Mini Cougar.

After shooting off the last of my ammo I realized what I had to do: Pre-empt that fucker. So here are the invoices. (Invoices pictured are for the purchases of Breathless, The 400 Blows, Jules and Jim, Contempt, and Hiroshima Mon Amour.)

Mini Cougar? But I thought he was 8+ inches and cut! Anyway, for the firearm ignorati, this is a Mini Cougar. Would be nice to have some details about where he fires his, um, gun. I mean, is it indoors? Doesn't he live in the city? Clearly, John Aravosis, not Guckert, is a madman. Given Guckert's secret love of French cinema, does he secretly wish Kerry had won? See, here's the difference between Gannonquiddick and Easongate: Gannonquiddick is fun.

P.S. All of the Gannon-blog shit is probably a brilliant joke. But if you find out it's not, please let me know.