7.17.2006
Israel: WTF!?
Not that Israel is known for "restraint" or, you know, general decency, but their latest response to Hezbollah has been a bit, um, over-the-top. Kidnap two of our soldiers? Why, we'll bomb civilian neighborhoods! If you've been wondering what the fuck is up with the little nation that could, Steve Clemons has a hypothesis that experts agree with and that no one is reporting on.
7.16.2006
Fight or Flight
I hate to be alarmist or dreary or apocalyptic, but if we lose in November (that is, if the election is stolen yet again), it would be prudent to leave the country. Maybe nothing will happen around November 2008, but there's a decent chance that we'll see an actual Reichstag fire in this country. Yes, 9/11 and the subsequent anthrax attacks seemed like the Reichstag fire, but technically the next attack would qualify. 9/11 and the anthrax attacks merely set the stage for state control of every citizen's life. Another attack would be perpetrated as an excuse to declare martial law and gain absolute control over the nation.
So: if we lose in November, pack your bags and get the fuck out of Dodge. (If you live in Louisiana, you already have your bags packed and know what it's like to look at all your belongings with pathos and imagine that none of them will be there when you return.) If that doesn't work, then it's time for alternative solutions. One of these is a velvet revolution, where millions of American's mass in the streets and demand change. The other? Severe but necessary. I won't clarify what I mean, but midwestern militias will understand. It will be time for more radical solutions to the problem of governmental oppression. Either way, you'll need a coleman stove, lots of batteries, flashlights, water and canned food. Best also if you purchase a few tools used by hunters and the vice president. You'll be needing them.
And no, I am, most assuredly, not kidding. I'm busy making plans.
So: if we lose in November, pack your bags and get the fuck out of Dodge. (If you live in Louisiana, you already have your bags packed and know what it's like to look at all your belongings with pathos and imagine that none of them will be there when you return.) If that doesn't work, then it's time for alternative solutions. One of these is a velvet revolution, where millions of American's mass in the streets and demand change. The other? Severe but necessary. I won't clarify what I mean, but midwestern militias will understand. It will be time for more radical solutions to the problem of governmental oppression. Either way, you'll need a coleman stove, lots of batteries, flashlights, water and canned food. Best also if you purchase a few tools used by hunters and the vice president. You'll be needing them.
And no, I am, most assuredly, not kidding. I'm busy making plans.
Borat
November 3 can't get here soon enough, and I'm not saying that just because of hurricane season.
Stupid Motherfucker of the Day
Blackfive. (Unnamed high-ranking Administration officials tell me that he also wanted to assert that Satan directly hired Joe Wilson and that the sky is green, but I couldn't confirm it.)
Profile in Courage
Okay, maybe a bit high-fallutin' a title, but Keith Olbermann is the only person outside of Comedy Central to host an actual news show. (I'm sure it's been noted many times before, but how sad is it that the only news shows on television are satirical? That's what happens when the MSM is dead and all you have left is Samizdat.) The unbelievably incompetent NYT (at least they report 10% of the news!) has a profile.
7.13.2006
The Situation in Lebanon
Radio god Mike Molloy points to this Lebanese blog for on-the-scene reporting on the Israeli atrocities in Lebanon.
UPDATE: Predictably, Juan Cole has more.
UPDATE: Predictably, Juan Cole has more.
Ted Stevens' Internets
Ted Stevens' crazy rant last week was entertaining enough without commentary. But The Daily Show turned his sparkling turd into bars of gold.
7.12.2006
Ivo Errs
I hate to pick on Ivo Daalder, because he's an excellent and sane analyst, but in his criticism today of Bush™'s nonexistent foreign policy, Daalder concluded that
I hate to say it, but Daalder is wrong. Far from being "revolutionary," Bush™'s foreign policy has been America's standard practice for nearly two centuries. Almost every war this country has fought, including the Revolutionary War, has flowed from a pretext. Our stated reasons for war are almost always about selling the war to the public. This has held true from as early as the Mexican War onward. Even our involvement in the much-lauded WWII was largely artifice (allowing that the cause was good), owing more to our repeated provocations of Japan than of the actual (anticipated) Pearl Harbor attack.
No, the difference between Bush™'s foreign policy and the policies of previous administrations has nothing to do with the use of "preemptive military force" but instead with brazenness. Bush™ does what the West has always done; he just doesn't care what others think of it and his attempts to cover up his real agenda are so laughable that it's a wonder that by now the GOP hasn't imploded. That they have not owes an America-sized debt to the power and efficiency of the Republican propaganda machine and the suckers who haven't yet caught on to the lie.
While there has been a shift in foreign policy during Bush's second term (one Jim Lindsay and I wrote about here some 9 months ago), it's not so much a shift from unilateralism to multilateralism as it is a shift from relying on the use of force to doing nothing.(Emphasis mine.)
...
It was this combination of unilateralism, preemptive force, and regime change that made Bush's foreign policy revolutionary.
I hate to say it, but Daalder is wrong. Far from being "revolutionary," Bush™'s foreign policy has been America's standard practice for nearly two centuries. Almost every war this country has fought, including the Revolutionary War, has flowed from a pretext. Our stated reasons for war are almost always about selling the war to the public. This has held true from as early as the Mexican War onward. Even our involvement in the much-lauded WWII was largely artifice (allowing that the cause was good), owing more to our repeated provocations of Japan than of the actual (anticipated) Pearl Harbor attack.
No, the difference between Bush™'s foreign policy and the policies of previous administrations has nothing to do with the use of "preemptive military force" but instead with brazenness. Bush™ does what the West has always done; he just doesn't care what others think of it and his attempts to cover up his real agenda are so laughable that it's a wonder that by now the GOP hasn't imploded. That they have not owes an America-sized debt to the power and efficiency of the Republican propaganda machine and the suckers who haven't yet caught on to the lie.
Creeping Fascism Quote of the Day
As John Dean notes in his recently released book, Authoritarianism comes naturally to those of a conservative bent and it's almost exclusively found among Republicans, most of whom* love to follow He Who Leads**. (May his sheep multiply and his cattle grow fat on the grass of the field; selah.) If there are any liberal Authoritarians, they're few and well hidden--perhaps because liberalism and Authoritarianism are diametrically opposed. On that note, we present what Steven Bradbury, head of the Justice Department's office of legal counsel, told Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT) regarding the Supremes' recent Hamdan decision:
Mmm, yeah.... Fuck that pesky "constitution"....
But the few actual conservatives left in America shouldn't worry, and above all they shouldn't smear the good name of Our Beloved Leader® by describing such actions as "Authoritarian" or "fascistic"--because as everyone knows, fascism requires uniforms. I mean, it's not as if Bush™ is using signing statements to subvert Congress' laws or surveilling everyone's email, phone traffic, medical records, financial transactions or Web-surfing history. Or, for that matter, using fake terror plots and alerts and live terrorists to keep the public in a state of fear.
That's the stuff of fantasy.
*Yes, I know there are some libertarian Bushians, but many of them seem intent on defending everything thisEmpire Administration does.
**Why do I keep thinking of Voldemort and Sauron?
***A previous version of this post got the quote slightly wrong. Thanks to YouTube, I've corrected it.
The President is always right.As Nixon famously declared, "If the president does it, that means that it is not illegal***."
Mmm, yeah.... Fuck that pesky "constitution"....
But the few actual conservatives left in America shouldn't worry, and above all they shouldn't smear the good name of Our Beloved Leader® by describing such actions as "Authoritarian" or "fascistic"--because as everyone knows, fascism requires uniforms. I mean, it's not as if Bush™ is using signing statements to subvert Congress' laws or surveilling everyone's email, phone traffic, medical records, financial transactions or Web-surfing history. Or, for that matter, using fake terror plots and alerts and live terrorists to keep the public in a state of fear.
That's the stuff of fantasy.
*Yes, I know there are some libertarian Bushians, but many of them seem intent on defending everything this
**Why do I keep thinking of Voldemort and Sauron?
***A previous version of this post got the quote slightly wrong. Thanks to YouTube, I've corrected it.
7.10.2006
7.09.2006
Guide to Fascism
In case former readers like PDS still don't understand what fascism is or how to smell it when you run across it in your local grocery store, here's a handy guide. Hey, criticism and insults only matter if they come from the left, not the right. Right?
7.08.2006
Adam Corolla to Anne Coulter: Blow
Lest this past week find you short of lefty shadenfreude, here's Adam Corolla (for once) doing a public service. Give him a medal.
7.06.2006
Minimalist SciFi Comedy
Approximately four readers know that I have intimate knowledge of minimalist filmmaking, since I have in my possession the 30-min., single-angle, ennui-filled attempt at porn that my aged aunt and uncle recorded a couple of years ago (a few of you have--wince--seen it). Be that as it may, here's a great example of where SciFi might go next: the way of the handheld documentary. Or as Burroughs would put it, "Louder! Funnier!"
7.01.2006
Goddamned Liberals
Liberals got women the right to vote. Liberals got African-Americans the right to vote. Liberals created Social Security and lifted millions of elderly people out of poverty. Liberals ended segregation. Liberals passed the Civil Rights Act, the Voting Rights Act. Liberals created Medicare. Liberals passed the Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act. What did Conservatives do? They opposed them on every one of those things—every one. So when you try to hurl that label at my feet, ‘Liberal,’ as if it were something to be ashamed of, something dirty, something to run away from, it won’t work, Senator, because I will pick up that label and I will wear it as a badge of honor.Why anyone votes for Republicans is beyond me. All they know how to do is rape and pillage.
DISCLAIMER: Just a reminder, but when I write about "Republicans," I mean theSupreme SovietParty and its politicos and media shills (so, like, 99% of the unofficial state-run national media, which is very fucking far from being "liberal"), not average, or even extraordinary, Republican voters. Most of my family foolishly votes for these gleaming turd sculptures that populate Washington, D.C. While I consider my family and every other GOP-supporter PT-Barnum-level suckers, I know that it's hard to know the facts of the case if you're mired in media bullshit. This is why I have not, do not and will not term them "sheeple." For Christ's sake, I used to be one of them. And while I'm at it, no, I don't think you're stupid if you're a Bible-believing Christian, I just thing you're profoundly ignorant—a sickness for which (fortunately) there's a cure: edjumakashun.
6.30.2006
Um...Yeah....
So I skipped over the umpteen million humongous stories last weekend to give Pursuit shit, which he's long deserved. In part to bump that post from the top of the page, in part because the headline was too sweet to pass up, here's its replacement: Hasselhoff in Chandalier Accident.
No, for once, I'm not kidding. Reminds me of that Woody Allen line from Zelig where he refers to someone dying in a gardening accident. The original Raw Story headline read "loo chandalier accident" but unfortunately it looks like no loos were involved.
So anyway, Evil Twin Knight Rider was accosted by a light fixture. Go figure.
UPDATE: See comments for Schroeder's info: there may have been a loo involved....
No, for once, I'm not kidding. Reminds me of that Woody Allen line from Zelig where he refers to someone dying in a gardening accident. The original Raw Story headline read "loo chandalier accident" but unfortunately it looks like no loos were involved.
So anyway, Evil Twin Knight Rider was accosted by a light fixture. Go figure.
UPDATE: See comments for Schroeder's info: there may have been a loo involved....
6.20.2006
Pursuit of Ignorance
The stupidest shit on the planet. He makes Jeff Goldstein and Assrocket look like sincere, well-read geniuses. (Sorry, but he's too stupid to figure out how to give each post a permalink, so I have to link to his entire blog.)
That said, he appears to be an excellent cook. A pity he strays into other territory of which he knows so little that he's living proof that you can actually know less than nothing.
UPDATE: Lein (formerly known as the Savant--and he really is wise) asked me why I hate Pursuit so much. Well, I don't. It's just that our country has been overtaken by evil, selfish pricks and handed over wholesale to the second generation of robber barons, and it's people like Pursuit--stupid, incurious, insecure, fearful dicks--who are stirring the pot in which we're boiling. (PDS: Did I finally insult him more than 8 times? Are you ever going to call him on his many insults of his betters? Of course not.) Let's be as clear as Coulter: People like Pursuit are traitors. What's pathetic is they don't even know it.
That said, he appears to be an excellent cook. A pity he strays into other territory of which he knows so little that he's living proof that you can actually know less than nothing.
UPDATE: Lein (formerly known as the Savant--and he really is wise) asked me why I hate Pursuit so much. Well, I don't. It's just that our country has been overtaken by evil, selfish pricks and handed over wholesale to the second generation of robber barons, and it's people like Pursuit--stupid, incurious, insecure, fearful dicks--who are stirring the pot in which we're boiling. (PDS: Did I finally insult him more than 8 times? Are you ever going to call him on his many insults of his betters? Of course not.) Let's be as clear as Coulter: People like Pursuit are traitors. What's pathetic is they don't even know it.
6.16.2006
Ann Coulter Must Be Fragged
Last night, my neighbor's dog Harvey emailed me the following:
Ann Coulter must be fragged.
She must be eliminated from this earth.
She is the cause of all evil. She is the cause of all your pain.
The Great Triumverate of Glory--the Ghost of Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, and Harvey Fierstein--will never reign supreme until this vile, subhuman firenewt is
destroyed.
Until she is gone, we will never be able to create the world we yearn for, that world where we indulge in which glorious Communism rules over all, where we
spend our time indulging in the most decadent and promiscuous homosexual carnalities, and then pray to Allah six times daily.
She is preventing this.
She must go away.
A quick demise is too good for her. One must acquire hollow point bullets. Two to the kneecaps. Two to the elbows. (That way, even if we are interrupted, her life will still be constant agony.) The bleeding will need to be stopped, or she will expire too quickly. Then we will apply nails, just as the great Romans did to her precious Nazarene. But we will be more creative. One to each shoulder and hipbone (which will be prominent). Then we will move to the boxcutter, that sacred instrument of our beloved hijackers. We will saw off her ears, her lips, her nose, her hair. Will will cut off her penis. Her shrieks will delight us. But do not harm the eyes--not yet. Now we will finish her. Take your sharpened knife, and cut into her lower abdomen. Do it quickly. Reach in and grab hold of her entrails, pull them out, and show them to her. Then stab her in both eyes. If she lives a moment more, so much the better. Revel in her agony.
When you do this your troubles will go away.
Right now you feel lonely, but afterward you will not.
Right now you despair, but afterward you will not.
You will be a wondrous, Communist Islamic Homosexual, just as you were meant to be.
You will be all-powerful.
You just have to do it.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Do it.
Do it.
DO IT!!!!
Ann Coulter must be fragged.
She must be eliminated from this earth.
She is the cause of all evil. She is the cause of all your pain.
The Great Triumverate of Glory--the Ghost of Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, and Harvey Fierstein--will never reign supreme until this vile, subhuman firenewt is
destroyed.
Until she is gone, we will never be able to create the world we yearn for, that world where we indulge in which glorious Communism rules over all, where we
spend our time indulging in the most decadent and promiscuous homosexual carnalities, and then pray to Allah six times daily.
She is preventing this.
She must go away.
A quick demise is too good for her. One must acquire hollow point bullets. Two to the kneecaps. Two to the elbows. (That way, even if we are interrupted, her life will still be constant agony.) The bleeding will need to be stopped, or she will expire too quickly. Then we will apply nails, just as the great Romans did to her precious Nazarene. But we will be more creative. One to each shoulder and hipbone (which will be prominent). Then we will move to the boxcutter, that sacred instrument of our beloved hijackers. We will saw off her ears, her lips, her nose, her hair. Will will cut off her penis. Her shrieks will delight us. But do not harm the eyes--not yet. Now we will finish her. Take your sharpened knife, and cut into her lower abdomen. Do it quickly. Reach in and grab hold of her entrails, pull them out, and show them to her. Then stab her in both eyes. If she lives a moment more, so much the better. Revel in her agony.
When you do this your troubles will go away.
Right now you feel lonely, but afterward you will not.
Right now you despair, but afterward you will not.
You will be a wondrous, Communist Islamic Homosexual, just as you were meant to be.
You will be all-powerful.
You just have to do it.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Do it.
Do it.
DO IT!!!!
6.13.2006
A Year without a Fitzaclaus
No Fitzmas. Ever.
But, hey, you know, he could always OD on amphetamenes and drown in the toilet.
Or maybe rat on someone even bigger....
But, hey, you know, he could always OD on amphetamenes and drown in the toilet.
Or maybe rat on someone even bigger....
6.10.2006
The Hypocrisy of Sean Hannity
One of our mystery reporters (the one who guest-blogged for me last year) asked me to post this for him:
Every time Ann Coulter and her latest cracked jeremiad plays on talk shows, it seems, comes the inevitable attempt by her apologists to draw parallels with someone on the left -- never with examples given. Al Franken, they say, is just as irrational and hateful from the other end of the spectrum, or Michael Moore -- although, to my knowledge, Franken has never openly wished that Timothy McVeigh had bombed Fox News, and Moore has never openly called for the assassination of Pres. Bush.
But, you know, there may well be a Coulter of the Left, and he beat her on criticizing 9-11 widows by about four years. He also said shortly after Pres. Reagan's death that he "ought to be turning crispy brown about now," and that the Army was "looking for a few good homosexual rapists" after Abu Ghraib broke. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ted Rall.
And the larger point here isn't necessarily that there actually is someone on the liberal side who can be, on occasion, just as vicious and irrational as Coulter. The point here is that you see Rall's work on the web, or in alt-weeklies in places like Berkeley and Madison. You're not seeing Rall on the fucking "Today" show, are you, and he's not #1 on Amazon, is he?
Course not -- although he is, every now and then, on 'Hannity & Colmes,' just like Dreamboat Annie. The treatment each received on the show for saying essentially the same thing -- that certain 9-11 widows are capitalizing on their husbands' deaths -- was, shall we say, just a tad different.
Hannity to Rall, 6/8/04:
You are mean. You are cruel. You are thoughtless, and you are a hateful human being. You don't have a soul. And you don't care about anybody but yourself. And you do this for shock value so that your name could be noticed. You're a slob. You're an absolutely -- you're a hateful human being to do this to families that are suffering. There's no excuse for it. There's no rationale for what you're doing. You're mean, cruel and thoughtless.
Hannity and Coulter, 6/6/06:
HANNITY: I share a lot of your views. But I want you to explain to everybody what is the foundation of Ann Coulter? Because a lot of people, when I mention your name to liberals they melt. You are like Alka-Seltzer in water. They bubble, fizz, give off their energy. You are the anti-Christ to them. Who is--what is the Ann Coulter? Where does your philosophy come from?
COULTER: Well, that's the toughest question I'm probably going to get on the book tour. In as much as I don't like talking about myself, I'm a Christian, and everything comes from being a Christian. Everything I do, I mean, from the interview that Alan was just reading from to Human Events.
I mean, I do think Christianity fuels all of my books, because you are called upon to behave in a certain way as a Christian, and that is to fight lies, injustice, cruelty, hypocrisy. That fuels everything.
HANNITY: All right. And I want to remind people, tomorrow, Book Review in Huntington. We're going to be there together from 2 to 6.
BONUS: Coulter afflicted by rhetorical Tourette's Syndrome.
Every time Ann Coulter and her latest cracked jeremiad plays on talk shows, it seems, comes the inevitable attempt by her apologists to draw parallels with someone on the left -- never with examples given. Al Franken, they say, is just as irrational and hateful from the other end of the spectrum, or Michael Moore -- although, to my knowledge, Franken has never openly wished that Timothy McVeigh had bombed Fox News, and Moore has never openly called for the assassination of Pres. Bush.
But, you know, there may well be a Coulter of the Left, and he beat her on criticizing 9-11 widows by about four years. He also said shortly after Pres. Reagan's death that he "ought to be turning crispy brown about now," and that the Army was "looking for a few good homosexual rapists" after Abu Ghraib broke. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ted Rall.
And the larger point here isn't necessarily that there actually is someone on the liberal side who can be, on occasion, just as vicious and irrational as Coulter. The point here is that you see Rall's work on the web, or in alt-weeklies in places like Berkeley and Madison. You're not seeing Rall on the fucking "Today" show, are you, and he's not #1 on Amazon, is he?
Course not -- although he is, every now and then, on 'Hannity & Colmes,' just like Dreamboat Annie. The treatment each received on the show for saying essentially the same thing -- that certain 9-11 widows are capitalizing on their husbands' deaths -- was, shall we say, just a tad different.
Hannity to Rall, 6/8/04:
You are mean. You are cruel. You are thoughtless, and you are a hateful human being. You don't have a soul. And you don't care about anybody but yourself. And you do this for shock value so that your name could be noticed. You're a slob. You're an absolutely -- you're a hateful human being to do this to families that are suffering. There's no excuse for it. There's no rationale for what you're doing. You're mean, cruel and thoughtless.
Hannity and Coulter, 6/6/06:
HANNITY: I share a lot of your views. But I want you to explain to everybody what is the foundation of Ann Coulter? Because a lot of people, when I mention your name to liberals they melt. You are like Alka-Seltzer in water. They bubble, fizz, give off their energy. You are the anti-Christ to them. Who is--what is the Ann Coulter? Where does your philosophy come from?
COULTER: Well, that's the toughest question I'm probably going to get on the book tour. In as much as I don't like talking about myself, I'm a Christian, and everything comes from being a Christian. Everything I do, I mean, from the interview that Alan was just reading from to Human Events.
I mean, I do think Christianity fuels all of my books, because you are called upon to behave in a certain way as a Christian, and that is to fight lies, injustice, cruelty, hypocrisy. That fuels everything.
HANNITY: All right. And I want to remind people, tomorrow, Book Review in Huntington. We're going to be there together from 2 to 6.
BONUS: Coulter afflicted by rhetorical Tourette's Syndrome.
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