So I skipped over the umpteen million humongous stories last weekend to give Pursuit shit, which he's long deserved. In part to bump that post from the top of the page, in part because the headline was too sweet to pass up, here's its replacement: Hasselhoff in Chandalier Accident.
No, for once, I'm not kidding. Reminds me of that Woody Allen line from Zelig where he refers to someone dying in a gardening accident. The original Raw Story headline read "loo chandalier accident" but unfortunately it looks like no loos were involved.
So anyway, Evil Twin Knight Rider was accosted by a light fixture. Go figure.
UPDATE: See comments for Schroeder's info: there may have been a loo involved....
6.30.2006
6.20.2006
Pursuit of Ignorance
The stupidest shit on the planet. He makes Jeff Goldstein and Assrocket look like sincere, well-read geniuses. (Sorry, but he's too stupid to figure out how to give each post a permalink, so I have to link to his entire blog.)
That said, he appears to be an excellent cook. A pity he strays into other territory of which he knows so little that he's living proof that you can actually know less than nothing.
UPDATE: Lein (formerly known as the Savant--and he really is wise) asked me why I hate Pursuit so much. Well, I don't. It's just that our country has been overtaken by evil, selfish pricks and handed over wholesale to the second generation of robber barons, and it's people like Pursuit--stupid, incurious, insecure, fearful dicks--who are stirring the pot in which we're boiling. (PDS: Did I finally insult him more than 8 times? Are you ever going to call him on his many insults of his betters? Of course not.) Let's be as clear as Coulter: People like Pursuit are traitors. What's pathetic is they don't even know it.
That said, he appears to be an excellent cook. A pity he strays into other territory of which he knows so little that he's living proof that you can actually know less than nothing.
UPDATE: Lein (formerly known as the Savant--and he really is wise) asked me why I hate Pursuit so much. Well, I don't. It's just that our country has been overtaken by evil, selfish pricks and handed over wholesale to the second generation of robber barons, and it's people like Pursuit--stupid, incurious, insecure, fearful dicks--who are stirring the pot in which we're boiling. (PDS: Did I finally insult him more than 8 times? Are you ever going to call him on his many insults of his betters? Of course not.) Let's be as clear as Coulter: People like Pursuit are traitors. What's pathetic is they don't even know it.
6.16.2006
Ann Coulter Must Be Fragged
Last night, my neighbor's dog Harvey emailed me the following:
Ann Coulter must be fragged.
She must be eliminated from this earth.
She is the cause of all evil. She is the cause of all your pain.
The Great Triumverate of Glory--the Ghost of Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, and Harvey Fierstein--will never reign supreme until this vile, subhuman firenewt is
destroyed.
Until she is gone, we will never be able to create the world we yearn for, that world where we indulge in which glorious Communism rules over all, where we
spend our time indulging in the most decadent and promiscuous homosexual carnalities, and then pray to Allah six times daily.
She is preventing this.
She must go away.
A quick demise is too good for her. One must acquire hollow point bullets. Two to the kneecaps. Two to the elbows. (That way, even if we are interrupted, her life will still be constant agony.) The bleeding will need to be stopped, or she will expire too quickly. Then we will apply nails, just as the great Romans did to her precious Nazarene. But we will be more creative. One to each shoulder and hipbone (which will be prominent). Then we will move to the boxcutter, that sacred instrument of our beloved hijackers. We will saw off her ears, her lips, her nose, her hair. Will will cut off her penis. Her shrieks will delight us. But do not harm the eyes--not yet. Now we will finish her. Take your sharpened knife, and cut into her lower abdomen. Do it quickly. Reach in and grab hold of her entrails, pull them out, and show them to her. Then stab her in both eyes. If she lives a moment more, so much the better. Revel in her agony.
When you do this your troubles will go away.
Right now you feel lonely, but afterward you will not.
Right now you despair, but afterward you will not.
You will be a wondrous, Communist Islamic Homosexual, just as you were meant to be.
You will be all-powerful.
You just have to do it.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Do it.
Do it.
DO IT!!!!
Ann Coulter must be fragged.
She must be eliminated from this earth.
She is the cause of all evil. She is the cause of all your pain.
The Great Triumverate of Glory--the Ghost of Stalin, Osama Bin Laden, and Harvey Fierstein--will never reign supreme until this vile, subhuman firenewt is
destroyed.
Until she is gone, we will never be able to create the world we yearn for, that world where we indulge in which glorious Communism rules over all, where we
spend our time indulging in the most decadent and promiscuous homosexual carnalities, and then pray to Allah six times daily.
She is preventing this.
She must go away.
A quick demise is too good for her. One must acquire hollow point bullets. Two to the kneecaps. Two to the elbows. (That way, even if we are interrupted, her life will still be constant agony.) The bleeding will need to be stopped, or she will expire too quickly. Then we will apply nails, just as the great Romans did to her precious Nazarene. But we will be more creative. One to each shoulder and hipbone (which will be prominent). Then we will move to the boxcutter, that sacred instrument of our beloved hijackers. We will saw off her ears, her lips, her nose, her hair. Will will cut off her penis. Her shrieks will delight us. But do not harm the eyes--not yet. Now we will finish her. Take your sharpened knife, and cut into her lower abdomen. Do it quickly. Reach in and grab hold of her entrails, pull them out, and show them to her. Then stab her in both eyes. If she lives a moment more, so much the better. Revel in her agony.
When you do this your troubles will go away.
Right now you feel lonely, but afterward you will not.
Right now you despair, but afterward you will not.
You will be a wondrous, Communist Islamic Homosexual, just as you were meant to be.
You will be all-powerful.
You just have to do it.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Frag Ann Coulter.
Do it.
Do it.
DO IT!!!!
6.13.2006
A Year without a Fitzaclaus
No Fitzmas. Ever.
But, hey, you know, he could always OD on amphetamenes and drown in the toilet.
Or maybe rat on someone even bigger....
But, hey, you know, he could always OD on amphetamenes and drown in the toilet.
Or maybe rat on someone even bigger....
6.10.2006
The Hypocrisy of Sean Hannity
One of our mystery reporters (the one who guest-blogged for me last year) asked me to post this for him:
Every time Ann Coulter and her latest cracked jeremiad plays on talk shows, it seems, comes the inevitable attempt by her apologists to draw parallels with someone on the left -- never with examples given. Al Franken, they say, is just as irrational and hateful from the other end of the spectrum, or Michael Moore -- although, to my knowledge, Franken has never openly wished that Timothy McVeigh had bombed Fox News, and Moore has never openly called for the assassination of Pres. Bush.
But, you know, there may well be a Coulter of the Left, and he beat her on criticizing 9-11 widows by about four years. He also said shortly after Pres. Reagan's death that he "ought to be turning crispy brown about now," and that the Army was "looking for a few good homosexual rapists" after Abu Ghraib broke. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ted Rall.
And the larger point here isn't necessarily that there actually is someone on the liberal side who can be, on occasion, just as vicious and irrational as Coulter. The point here is that you see Rall's work on the web, or in alt-weeklies in places like Berkeley and Madison. You're not seeing Rall on the fucking "Today" show, are you, and he's not #1 on Amazon, is he?
Course not -- although he is, every now and then, on 'Hannity & Colmes,' just like Dreamboat Annie. The treatment each received on the show for saying essentially the same thing -- that certain 9-11 widows are capitalizing on their husbands' deaths -- was, shall we say, just a tad different.
Hannity to Rall, 6/8/04:
You are mean. You are cruel. You are thoughtless, and you are a hateful human being. You don't have a soul. And you don't care about anybody but yourself. And you do this for shock value so that your name could be noticed. You're a slob. You're an absolutely -- you're a hateful human being to do this to families that are suffering. There's no excuse for it. There's no rationale for what you're doing. You're mean, cruel and thoughtless.
Hannity and Coulter, 6/6/06:
HANNITY: I share a lot of your views. But I want you to explain to everybody what is the foundation of Ann Coulter? Because a lot of people, when I mention your name to liberals they melt. You are like Alka-Seltzer in water. They bubble, fizz, give off their energy. You are the anti-Christ to them. Who is--what is the Ann Coulter? Where does your philosophy come from?
COULTER: Well, that's the toughest question I'm probably going to get on the book tour. In as much as I don't like talking about myself, I'm a Christian, and everything comes from being a Christian. Everything I do, I mean, from the interview that Alan was just reading from to Human Events.
I mean, I do think Christianity fuels all of my books, because you are called upon to behave in a certain way as a Christian, and that is to fight lies, injustice, cruelty, hypocrisy. That fuels everything.
HANNITY: All right. And I want to remind people, tomorrow, Book Review in Huntington. We're going to be there together from 2 to 6.
BONUS: Coulter afflicted by rhetorical Tourette's Syndrome.
Every time Ann Coulter and her latest cracked jeremiad plays on talk shows, it seems, comes the inevitable attempt by her apologists to draw parallels with someone on the left -- never with examples given. Al Franken, they say, is just as irrational and hateful from the other end of the spectrum, or Michael Moore -- although, to my knowledge, Franken has never openly wished that Timothy McVeigh had bombed Fox News, and Moore has never openly called for the assassination of Pres. Bush.
But, you know, there may well be a Coulter of the Left, and he beat her on criticizing 9-11 widows by about four years. He also said shortly after Pres. Reagan's death that he "ought to be turning crispy brown about now," and that the Army was "looking for a few good homosexual rapists" after Abu Ghraib broke. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ted Rall.
And the larger point here isn't necessarily that there actually is someone on the liberal side who can be, on occasion, just as vicious and irrational as Coulter. The point here is that you see Rall's work on the web, or in alt-weeklies in places like Berkeley and Madison. You're not seeing Rall on the fucking "Today" show, are you, and he's not #1 on Amazon, is he?
Course not -- although he is, every now and then, on 'Hannity & Colmes,' just like Dreamboat Annie. The treatment each received on the show for saying essentially the same thing -- that certain 9-11 widows are capitalizing on their husbands' deaths -- was, shall we say, just a tad different.
Hannity to Rall, 6/8/04:
You are mean. You are cruel. You are thoughtless, and you are a hateful human being. You don't have a soul. And you don't care about anybody but yourself. And you do this for shock value so that your name could be noticed. You're a slob. You're an absolutely -- you're a hateful human being to do this to families that are suffering. There's no excuse for it. There's no rationale for what you're doing. You're mean, cruel and thoughtless.
Hannity and Coulter, 6/6/06:
HANNITY: I share a lot of your views. But I want you to explain to everybody what is the foundation of Ann Coulter? Because a lot of people, when I mention your name to liberals they melt. You are like Alka-Seltzer in water. They bubble, fizz, give off their energy. You are the anti-Christ to them. Who is--what is the Ann Coulter? Where does your philosophy come from?
COULTER: Well, that's the toughest question I'm probably going to get on the book tour. In as much as I don't like talking about myself, I'm a Christian, and everything comes from being a Christian. Everything I do, I mean, from the interview that Alan was just reading from to Human Events.
I mean, I do think Christianity fuels all of my books, because you are called upon to behave in a certain way as a Christian, and that is to fight lies, injustice, cruelty, hypocrisy. That fuels everything.
HANNITY: All right. And I want to remind people, tomorrow, Book Review in Huntington. We're going to be there together from 2 to 6.
BONUS: Coulter afflicted by rhetorical Tourette's Syndrome.
6.08.2006
Zarqawi Killed in Air Strike
About time. And no, we're not "winning" in Iraq, if such a thing could even happen. But no matter what you think of the war or the insurgency, most of which has nothing to do with Zarqawi, this is a good day.
AFTERTHOUGHT: And, well, yeah, it would've helped if we'd killed him in his terrorist training camp in the Kurdish no-fly zone which we controlled when we knew exactly where he was. But then we couldn't've dangled him like a shiny fishing lure in front of rabit Rightists as a manifestly absurd excuse to invade Iraq, now could we? That's okay; it was worth it. Because we're winning in Iraq!
AFTERTHOUGHT: And, well, yeah, it would've helped if we'd killed him in his terrorist training camp in the Kurdish no-fly zone which we controlled when we knew exactly where he was. But then we couldn't've dangled him like a shiny fishing lure in front of rabit Rightists as a manifestly absurd excuse to invade Iraq, now could we? That's okay; it was worth it. Because we're winning in Iraq!
6.05.2006
You Could Be Preznit!
I've always wondered what Condi sees in him. (BTW, even if she's a mass-murderer, you just know somebody that pent-up is fantastic in bed. Way to go, George!)
6.03.2006
How to Steal a US Presidential Election for the Second Time
Here.
Too bad Hillary and her spineless ilk don't yet get that this country is even less Republican-friendly than in 2000. People like this are in a shrinking minority in this country, let alone the world.
The loser of both the 2000 and 2004 elections, faux-president Bush, didn't get any "capital" from the last election, and yet he spent it, much like he spends the Chinese money that America doesn't have. Now he's flat broke and facing more than two years of pretending to govern. I shudder at the possibilities of what might happen before his term ends.
Too bad Hillary and her spineless ilk don't yet get that this country is even less Republican-friendly than in 2000. People like this are in a shrinking minority in this country, let alone the world.
The loser of both the 2000 and 2004 elections, faux-president Bush, didn't get any "capital" from the last election, and yet he spent it, much like he spends the Chinese money that America doesn't have. Now he's flat broke and facing more than two years of pretending to govern. I shudder at the possibilities of what might happen before his term ends.
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